When your toddler throws themselves onto the floor and starts screaming, you understand that this temper tantrum is a normal milestone; you ignore the behavior unless it’s dangerous and know they’ll grow out of it soon. When your older child screams, slams doors and throws things, you may be frustrated yourself. Doesn’t this child know how to behave and communicate in a better way?

Here at Alzein Pediatrics, we know that while kids in elementary school are better at regulating their emotions and adjusting to social change, it doesn’t mean they are equipped for everything life throws at them. Some children may have the occasional angry outburst throughout childhood and into adolescence.

For the most part, your Alzein Pediatrics provider will give you similar advice for managing an angry adolescent that we do for a raging toddler. Ignore an outburst to discourage future inappropriate actions while monitoring the child to ensure they aren’t a danger to themselves or others.

It’s important to create an environment in your home where your children are comfortable talking about and expressing their emotions; positive, negative and in-between. For older children, it can be helpful to give them better ways to express their very big emotions. Have paper and crayons ready to hand them when they’re angry, saying, “Draw how you feel right now so I can understand.” Calmly reflect their emotions back to them, so they understand how to communicate their feelings accurately. Say “You are so frustrated and sad right now,” or “I can see this is making you very upset.” Just giving them the validation of their feelings can go a long way in getting them to get themselves under control.

Managing and reducing angry outbursts requires identifying underlying causes. Research shows that one of the largest underlying causes for continued emotional outbursts into childhood is a lack of structure. Around half of all children admitted to hospitals for uncontrolled rage regain control in the structured environment of the hospital.

Structure is built with three steps; consistency, predictability and follow-through. Consistency means reacting to your children’s behavior in the same way, all the time. Praise your child each time you see positive behavior and that behavior will occur more and more. Set rules and routines that are predictable. Dinnertime is at 6, bath and teeth brushing happen at 7, with lights out after a story at 8 pm. If your child hits someone, they go into time-out – each and every time. Follow-through is another way to phrase “say what you mean and mean what you say.” Behaviors must have consequences each and every time, be they good behavior with rewards or inappropriate behaviors with loss of privileges.

Uncommonly, continued outbursts into elementary and middle school can indicate other issues affecting emotional regulation and adaptation. Prolonged and frequent tantrums can indicate a child may have a developmental or conduct disorder. Research indicates there is a connection between childhood rage and psychological diagnoses such as post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder.

Normal anger is natural. It’s a response to sustained levels of frustration and uncertainty. With emotional awareness, proper structure and consistent responses, you’ll help your child learn to manage not just anger, but sadness, grief and all those other big, often overwhelming, emotions.

If angry outbursts occur regularly, last longer than 15 minutes, or present a danger to people or property, make an appointment with your Alzein Pediatrics provider. We’ll work to identify root causes and treat any undiagnosed issues.