At Alzein Pediatrics, we know that a lot can be accomplished in less than ten minutes. In just nine minutes, you can boil a pot of pasta. You can sort and start a load of laundry. You can pay several bills online. But can you build a less anxious, more confident and happier child? Is the 9-Minute Theory a real parenting strategy or is it another too-good-to-be-true appeal to get us to click on the video?

The 9-Minute Theory is credited to neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp. Panksepp’s original research looked at the emotional treatment of animals, and he discovered that on a biological level, creatures thrive when they feel good, safe, and comfortable. Panksepp then applied this understanding of positive emotions to human development. He now recommends that parents create a routine of meaningful interactions with their children strategically during the day; in the morning, afternoon, and before bed. The theory asserts that spending 3 minutes talking to your child three times a day creates a routine that improves the parent-child bond.

The timing of those 3-minute conversations is strategic. These interactions should occur immediately before or after prolonged periods when children are away from parents. Panksepp’s theory was that having a meaningful conversation at those moments would remind the child that they are cared for and loved. The time of day and ultimate length of those conversations – you don’t have to stop talking at 3 minutes! – doesn’t really matter, but the 3×3 system offers a schedule that is easy to remember and enact. Busy parents can appreciate that!

While we know car rides are fantastic for conversations, you’ll want to focus fully on a single child, make eye contact with them, put away any devices and screens, and ignore everything else around you. This is the time to show genuine, unwavering interest in your child’s life.

No matter what your child’s age, ask questions that don’t have a yes or no answer, and avoid “how was your day?” which can be easily answered with “fine.” Consider instead:

• What do you hope to see today?
• Who do you want to play with or talk to today?
• Tell me something that made you laugh.
• Did you feel worried about anything today?
• What did you learn today that you didn’t know yesterday?
• What did you find difficult today?
• Who did you have lunch with today?
• Did you help someone today?
• What is something you did today that you hope you can do again tomorrow?

Will these nine minutes each day make a difference? Yes! Nine minutes each day can make you a better parent, and build trust and respect with your child. Taking the time to devote your attention to your child and center their experience makes your child feel good, and children who feel good have all sorts of positive health outcomes. Children who have strong and positive relationships with their parents have fewer chronic illnesses and better health overall as adults, even well past middle age.

Every interaction doesn’t have to be emotional and deeply insightful; it’s okay to laugh together for three minutes about the silly drawing a friend made at preschool, or the joke they heard on their favorite podcast. By making these conversations routine, your child will feel more comfortable having conversations as they age, when life gets more complex.

Routine conversations also create a developmental benefit, as children who speak regularly with their parents show improvements in language and vocabulary skills. All of these benefits together—positive emotions, strong relationships, and open communication—tend to create children with higher social competence later in life because they can maintain healthy conversations and emotional relationships.

The 9-Minute Theory is also shown to help parents, who often feel frustrated and guilty about the amount of time they spend with their kids. Implementing the 9-Minute Theory alleviates those negative feelings by building in a routine of daily high-quality, meaningful conversations with your kids.

Three times a day, focus on a single child for at least three minutes – and this “internet hack” could change your family.

If you have questions about building strong, positive relationship with your children – no matter what their age – message your Alzein Pediatrics provider. We are here to help!