When a baby needs to put their arms up to put on a shirt, parents say, “Put your arms up!” When they bump their head, we say, “Ouch! Your head must hurt!” When they have dirt on their ears, we use the word “ear” to describe what needs to be cleaned.
Many parents, however, stop the chatter when they are changing a diaper and wiping genitals clean. Maybe they go as far as to say, “We’re cleaning your bottom now.” Then kids begin potty training and many parents just cannot say, “Tuck your penis down so you don’t pee all over” or “We have to wipe backwards so we don’t get poop in your vagina.” Instead, they use a silly word that perhaps their own parents used – or avoiding using an identifying word for genitals all together.
At Alzein Pediatrics, we know that how parents talk about genitals, the urinary system or digestive tract with and in front of their children is of particular concern to psychologists and child health experts. From the day your child is born, it’s important to use proper language to identify these body parts.
The more children understand their bodies, the more likely they are to talk about any changes or threats to their bodies. Clinical terms like “anus”, “urethra,” “labia,” “vulva,” “vagina,” “penis,” and “scrotum,” help your child describe the area of concern; a child having pain, itching or soreness in their genitals, urinary system or digestive tract might not be able to explain the particular nature of their concern if they don’t have the precise language to describe it. Children who have routine and de-stigmatized discussions about their bodies with a parent are more likely to catch any disease or condition to ensure prompt treatment.
For many child care experts, the most important reason to use clinical terms is to protect your child from sexual abuse. In addition to making children more comfortable with their bodies and giving them the tools to talk about and care for their health, having clear and scientifically accurate conversations about genitals with your children actively makes them safer. Children with a clinical vocabulary can recognize inappropriate genital talk and are more likely to share concerns with a caring adult should someone be trying to engage in inappropriate conversations or touching. Children who can talk comfortable and clinically with a parent are more likely to report higher self-esteem. That higher self-esteem and body awareness makes them less vulnerable to inappropriate interactions with bad actors.
As children grow, they will have questions about their changing bodies. Using clinical terms for genitals allows parents to minimize their own discomfort with these conversations and treat them like science lessons. It’s also more likely your children will come to you for accurate information rather than learning from peers or other sources who do not understand your child’s maturity level and your family’s values – and may give them inaccurate advice that leads to terrible outcomes.
Does this sound really difficult? We get it; many of us have been conditioned by our families and society for decades to use silly euphemisms for these body parts. When parental embarrassment in using clinical terms is strong, we recommend parents practice saying “penis” and “vagina” in front of a mirror to break down our own conditioning.
While a parent’s initial reaction might be to laugh or blush when using clinical terms, those reactions produce two very poor outcomes when it happens in front of your child. First, laughing or showing embarrassment when discussing genitals can create a negative association between children and their bodies; children will feel these body parts are something to feel embarrassed of and ashamed about. Second, laughter or embarrassment derails the potential age-appropriate conversation you could have, to help your child learn about the science of their bodies and their own privacy.
Child experts recommend using clinical genital, urinary system and digestive tract vocabulary with children to improve their mental and physical health and make them safer. If you have questions about how to talk to your child in an age-appropriate manner about these parts of the body, message your provider. We’ll help give you the tools to make using clinical terms with your children easy and comfortable.
